About Jhuger


I'm the Reverend James Huber. This is my site. It contains my opinion. Some people will find my opinions offensive. If you're one of those people, you are cordially invited to fuck off go elsewhere. If you choose not to go elsewhere, you have only yourself to blame.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is jhuger.com still active?

A: "Active" isn't really a relevant concept. Jhuger.com isn't a blog. I don't post new content on a regular basis and never have. I do pay attention to my email on this domain. Or at least I did when I wrote this. Who knows what future me will do? Actually, future me is going to die. But I'll probably monitor this site's email until then. So, check the obits, I guess?

Q: What happened to [some feature or piece of content]?

A: It either wasn't worth maintaining the code, or aged embarrassingly badly and wasn't important enough to update.

Q: Why "Jhuger" with a "g", not "Jhuber" with a "b"?

A: It started as a typo a couple of decades ago when I got my first dial up account. By the time I moved up to having my own domain I was kind of attached to it. Besides which there are lots of other jhubers, including my brother, and not so many jhugers, which makes it easier to Google myself.

Q: Are you a real reverend?

A: I'm ordained through the Universal Life Church. The ULC is legally recognized as a Church. It is arguably a made-up bullshit church, and as such it's a perfect expression of my deeply held belief that all churches are made-up bullshit. That makes me a sincere adherent of a legally recognized religion, and ordained clergy of that religion. So yes, I'm a real reverend. By the way, if you think that makes me less legitimate that your minister, you might want to check their credentials, not mine.

Q: How can you be absolutely certain there is no God?

A: I don't need to be absolutely certain there is no God to be an atheist, I just have to be reasonably certain that when people pray that I get hit by lightning, they're really just talking to themselves.

Q: If you're not certain there is no God, doesn't that make you agnostic?

A: Sure, in some pointless, bullshit, technical sense of the word "agnostic". I'm also that kind of agnostic about the Earth being round.

Q: How can you be "reasonably certain" that when people pray that you get hit by lightning, they're really just talking to themselves?

A: Well, for one thing I haven't been hit by lightning. For another, I had a vision where God told me He didn't exist.

Q: That doesn't make any sense; how can God tell you he doesn't exist?

A: You'll believe in talking snakes, a magic cracker that turns into god meat that's extra-special magic god meat because it still tastes like a cracker, and even that 1 + 1 + 1 = 1, but you just can't cope with something that acts without existing? Interesting.

Q: So you believe in a creative force that acts without existing?

A: It's either that or visions aren't a reliable source of information. I wonder which it could be?

Q: If there is no God, where did all this come from?

A: IKEA, mostly. Costco, Amazon, Target and few other utterly non-mysterious places too. Oh, and garage sales. Lots and lots of garage sales. Which I'll admit can be slightly mysterious.

Q: No, not the stuff you see when you look around you. Like, life, the universe, and everything?

A: If you could be more specific I could Google it. You know what? never mind: even If I had the time for that shit, in the end you'd ask a question science hasn't answered yet. So let's save time and skip ahead to "Science does not yet know."

Q: If science doesn't know where all this comes from, then couldn't it be God's doing?

A: If I do a really cool magic trick that you totally can't figure out are you going to drop to your knees and acknowledge me as God's messenger? Of course not. You know there's a logical explanation even if you don't know what it is. Because that's how the world works. Same deal on a bigger scale.

Q: But isn't just a different kind of faith?

A: Yes, "Different" being the operative word. Like the faith it takes to ride an elevator down from the 17th floor is different from the faith it takes to say "Jesus catch me!" and step off a 17th floor balcony.

Q: If you don't believe in God, why do you spend so much time talking about Him? You don't spend time talking about the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus.

A: The people who believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus will, for the most part, grow out of it before they're old enough to do much harm. When people start knocking my friends' teeth out to appease the Tooth Fairy, or when there's serious talk about defining marriage as exclusively between one man and eight tiny reindeer, I'll start complaining about that.

Q: Why do you use offensive language?

A: To offend a certain kind of people. I reference sexual and excretory functions. The people I'm trying to offend reference hellfire. Out of having sex, going to the bathroom, and burning alive; which is on your avoid-at-all-costs list for this weekend? So what makes you think I'm more offensive?